Into Administration - covering letter

Welcome to me

I have just spied your advert on Gorkanapr.com. I check this reputable database on a thrice daily basis and am usually under whelmed by the jobs it has to offer. Today however, as my mouse hovered over the ‘back’ button, I saw something that made me revaluate my evaluations.

A PAID internship! Wowee. That sound grand. For you see, I am a redundant. And not a redundant in a good way, like a sweet old lady or a well-worn bib. No. Redundant like a child’s bike or a well-worn potty. Don’t worry though, it’s not my fault, it’s down to E C O N O M Y, have you met her? She’s a mean old crab stick with income tax for mayonnaise. I hate her, for she has reduced me to the right prickly pine cone writing this plea/application. A husk! Yeah! HUSK.

I digress. I’d love to be your reviews editors’s assistants internship. How much does it pay? My needs are few: Once a day I ingest a handful of ham. Easy. Then, when I get in I drink a cup of tea, and conk right out on the goose. I then sleep for 12 hours, rise, head into work, eat some ham and away we go again. Sound like your particular brew? Perhaps. Also. Don’t think me to be an odd – that’s discrimination.

If you would like proof of my suitability, you’ll be liking for a long old time, for you see, there is none of it to hand. None. I can send you a few scraps of paper I keep about me person, but only if you send them back when you’ve done – for I needs ‘em, you know… to work F R O M. I could also send a photo of meself if you be a little of the type to superficial a fellow. Would that help your endeavour? Let me know at this address.

I think that’s all. I have attached me CV – except I haven’t because it’s at home. S O R R Y, but you know… don’t hold it against her.

If you should ever have a question, leave it on my inbox and I’ll nail it right back when I’ve finished it.

Yours